Archive for the ‘ Criticism ’ Category
How often have you heard your friends or colleagues moaning about someone or about something that has happened, but they never actually say anything to that person? It happens all the time and it’s all because people don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or are scared of giving feedback.
Giving feedback is tough, and something I often shy away from, so you are not alone!
Have you had that experience when you think, “I can give feedback,” and you do it, but crash and burn? You don’t get the response that you were hoping for, or nothing changes. You then get discouraged and think, “I am never doing that again!” Don’t worry, this is completely normal.
I work with Situational Leadership® II, so I know very well that when I crash and burn, I am in the D2 stage, where I have low commitment and little competence to give anyone feedback ever again. The only way I am going to move to D3, where I feel more committed and become competent, is if I pick myself up, keep doing it, and ask for a bit of direction and support from people I know are good at giving feedback.
The more positive experiences you have with giving feedback, the more confident you will be, so please don’t shy away from it.
Has this person demonstrated competence in this goal/task before?
Are you giving feedback to someone who has already completed this task or goal perfectly before? Or is this person new to the task or goal? Understanding this first will help you shape your discussion when giving feedback.
Always give feedback about a particular event/situation. Never make it general.
People cannot relate to general. So often in annual reviews, you hear feedback like, “You don’t respond to emails quickly enough”; if your colleague thinks they do reply fast enough, this type of general feedback will get someone’s back up. Instead say, “XYZ client emailed you and requested information concerning their leadership materials; they didn’t receive a response for three days. The consequences of this were their training materials didn’t arrive in time for the workshop.”
Try to give the feedback as quickly as possible.
You give feedback to try to stop mistakes from recurring. The quicker you address the problem, the less likely it is that mistakes will happen in the future. Plus it’s easier for people to embrace if it’s happened recently.
Give feedback from a good place.
When giving feedback, express why you are giving the feedback and how it can help that person in the future. If people see you are trying to help them, you are less likely to be met with resistance.
These are just a few tips I have picked up along the way—there are many more.
I would really like to hear from you about your experiences and tips on giving feedback. Please share your stories!
You remember the ol’ classic one liners people used to tell? “Did you hear that one about the teacher, the pastor, and a farmer who went ….”. Yea, I can’t remember the rest of the joke either but I still find them to be simple and amusing. These jokes have almost a sacredness about them and have this allure similar to the Cartoon section in the New Yorker. The classic nature of these jokes and the quirky delivery gets me every time. I love it. To me, one of the greatest attributes in a leader is the ability to inject humor and light-heartedness into a stressful situation. The delivery and the punch line are the two greatest elements to good humor and a smart leader recognizes that being the brunt of most jokes is a good thing. Self-deprecation and honest humility are common elements that build trust and admiration with those you are leading.
However, one thing to remember is that just because you have something funny or witty to say, you shouldn’t always pull the trigger. As Winston Churchill once said, “A joke is a very serious thing.” Often people insert half-truths, undercutting jabs, subtle attacks, and mocking humor that can be very offensive and off-putting. As in any great play or performance, know your audience and the setting and be sure that your humor makes people feel appreciated and not belittled.
Get good grades they say. Get a college degree they say. Your life will be much easier they say.
I’m not sure who this “they” is but if someone can find them, I have a few friends and millions of young Americans who I’m sure would like to have a conversation with them.
The “they” that most parents may have been referring to was the previous economy, because Uncle Sam’s pockets have been quite drained for some time. He’s no longer the rich uncle that lives outside of town—now he’s more the one that lives in the basement.
Nearly eight-in-ten (78%) of 25- to 34-year-olds say they don’t currently have enough money to lead the kind of life they want, and thirty-six percent of this nation’s young adults ages 18 to 31 were living in their parents’ homes in 2012, according to a Pew Research Center.
Also, large majorities (78%) say they’re satisfied with their living arrangements (living at home with mom and dad). So the stigma associated with living with parents is nowhere to be seen with this generation.
And according to the Journal of Marriage and Family, 79% of adults between 18-33 receive financial help, though there are varying reports about this data. I must admit that I fall in this age range and I used to receive some financial help from my parents while I was out of college. Since my cell phone and auto insurance were tied to the same bill, they never passed it along to me—thanks Mom and Dad!
If I had to guess, I would say the majority of the boomerang generation would like to spend the rest of their 20’s and 30’s chasing the American Dream as much as the previous generations. Stagnate wages, higher unemployment, and large student debt have been major obstacles to financial independence for the boomers. Although it has not been easy, much of the boomerang generation is optimistic about their future and financial progress. Many would suggest that they live life “entitled” but I believe many are hungry to begin their careers and add value to the organizations they serve.
Have you ever become so engrossed in a fun task that you lost track of time? Then you’ve experienced the concept of flow. Developed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, it describes the state of mind when you reach the perfect combination of task challenge and personal skill:
Click the image below for a simple demonstration of flow (use the mouse to move and remember to return when you’re finished):
The creator of this simple game used Csikszentmihalyi’s concept of flow to develop the game elements. Since you can decide when to move further, you are always in control of both the level of challenge and skill, meaning you can always keep yourself in a state of flow.
Now think about your direct reports and their tasks. Are they in a state of flow? If not, is it due to the task being too difficult, or the direct reports not having high enough skills? Or perhaps the challenge isn’t increasing proportionately with their skills? And think about your own tasks. Are you in a state of flow? Why or why not? What can you do to improve your workplace and encourage more flow?
It’s clear that employees can become more engaged and productive, while constantly developing and growing, by applying this simple model to the workplace. So the next time you’re at work, try adjusting the level of challenge to match the level of skill. You might be surprised to find how much fun you can have while in flow!
Image Credit: 1
If you are like me, you probably know someone who is a Sommelier, or an expert on all things wine. They know the flavors, the smells, and what will best complement each food item on the menu. They can tell you about the regions the wine came from, how long you should wait before you open a bottle, and the perfect temperatures for each bottle you have. Wine experts generally all agree on 1 rule: don’t drink the same bottle of wine every time.
Well here’s my number 1 rule for those who may be a Sommelier (of sorts).
Don’t uncork the whine.
There’s nothing worse than when you’re having a great dinner conversation with friends, and someone busts out the whine. Maybe you’re trying to have fun, talking about good times, and someone has to complain all night about some inequitable atrocity that was bestowed upon them. Don’t get me wrong, a good whine is great for certain occasions, but you have to know when to share it and when to just leave it corked. I mean, some people bring that whine to every occasion and I think to myself, “That whine is 100 years old, you should have saved it for a special occasion.”
I get it. Sometimes you just need to vent and be heard; I’m definitely with you on that. However, next time you are in the mood for a good whine, just remember that not everyone drinks.